February 15 – Designing a Fulfilling Life: How to Find Your Authentic Self and Live Your Best Life

“It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” Mae Jemison

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart, give yourself to it.” Buddha

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss

If happiness is what we all want, why is it so elusive? Does chasing after happiness make us any happier in the long run?

As Celeste Headlee explains in her book, Do Nothing, "I don't believe that if left to our own devices, we would naturally seek to work long hours and search for peak efficiency in everything we do, including doing laundry, playing games, and reading novels. There is a wealth of historical data that suggests we prefer a balance of leisure and toil. But we have been convinced through more than two hundred years of propaganda that inactivity is the same as laziness and that leisure is a shameful waste of time." She goes on to ask if “life hacking” is a way to focus on small, measurable tasks instead of asking ourselves big, hard questions about what we do with our time and what our larger priorities are.

We need to take this time to figure out who we are authentically so that we can design a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, which will bring us happiness in the long run. In their book, Designing Your Life, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans say that a well-designed life “is a life in which who you are, what you believe, and what you do all ‘line up’ together.” They go on to explain that "We all contain enough energy and talents and interests to live many different types of lives, all of which could be authentic and interesting and productive. Asking which life is best is asking a silly question; it's like asking whether it is better to have hands or feet." Through these many different lives that we all have the potential to live, we can find the balance between work and leisure that Headlee describes.

In her book, The Stress Prescription, Elissa Epel reminds us to diversify. “Remember all the things you already are. None of us are just one thing. What you do for a living does not have to define who you are.” She also reminds us to not tie our identities and self-worth to one role or facet of our lives. She tells us we can “use values affirmation to reorient” ourselves to our inner compasses and to remember everything we already do.

Epel groups values together and advises us to choose three that are important to us and think of an example of how we are living them.

Here are the groups of values stated by Epel:

-creativity/artistic/musical

-community/relationships

-being a good friend or family member

-gaining knowledge/curiosity

-helping others/social justice/equity

-honesty/integrity/moral principles

-courage/bravery

-kindness/generosity/compassion

-nature/environment/sustainability

-spirituality/religion

We often don't take the time to really think about who we are and what we want out of life. We're too busy reacting to the demands of everyday life to stop and reflect. We're afraid to look inward, because we think it's self-indulgent or narcissistic. We'd rather focus on external things, like our work, our relationships, or our hobbies. We're also afraid of what we might find when we look inward. We might discover that we're not as smart, funny, or talented as we thought we were. We might also discover that we're not happy with the way our lives are going. We need to be willing to look inward, even if it's uncomfortable. We need to be willing to question the labels that other people have given us, and to decide for ourselves who we are. It's okay to take time for ourselves to reflect and grow. In fact, it's essential for our well-being. If we're willing to take the time to reflect on our own lives, we can learn a lot about ourselves. We can learn what we're good at, what we're passionate about, and what we want out of life. We can also learn to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all.

In her incredibly helpful book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, Julie Smith explains, “The ability to check in on the bigger picture, even for the smallest of moments can have a powerful impact on the way we live life.”

Our thoughts are constantly flowing, like a river. We can choose to take a moment to reflect on those thoughts and make sure they are aligned with our goals and values. We don't have to just go with the flow of our thoughts. We can choose to steer them in a direction that is meaningful to us.

Getting to know our real selves is a process. We need to look at our core values, beliefs, and desires. This internal decision-making process requires introspection, honesty, and perseverance.

Felicia Day, in her book Embrace Your Weird, explains it best, “Through the process of exploring our own inner worlds, we will discover unbroken edges of ourselves, stumble upon unexpected things we spark to, and be able to home in on where we want to concentrate our time and passion.”

Activity: Journal Prompts

-What sort of person do I really want to be?

-What really matters to me?

-I am happiest when…

-I feel most like myself when I am…

-I am bound to fail when…

-I know that I cannot do … and be …

-I’ve always loved to…

-I’ve always wanted to…

-When I was a kid, I was fascinated by…

-If I had more time, I would like to…

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

Nurturing Hopeful Resilience guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.