June 11 – Tame or Wild: Mastering Decisiveness in Every Choice

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” Stephen Covey

What makes one person more decisive than another?

That was my first thought when I looked at this theme. Before I could figure that out, I had to first think about different kinds of decisions. In his book, Wild Problems, Russ Roberts distinguishes between different decisions we make in life as tame problems and wild problems.

Tame problems are easier to solve because you can weigh both sides and come to a logical decision. Even if you are wrong, there are no long-term repercussions. These could be decisions like what to have for dinner tonight or whether you should take an umbrella. Wild decisions are often more difficult to make rationally. They could be things like who to marry, whether to have children, where to live, or what career to pursue. These are the decisions that keep people up at night and cause anxiety. This week, we will discover some strategies for increasing our decisiveness in both kinds of problems.

Computers make decisions based on algorithms. They can help you decide which route to take using an app. You can read reviews of products on Amazon, comparing products to decide which best suits you. But when it comes to the big life decisions, computers cannot help. As Roberts states, these choices define who we are. Part of the challenge of being human is facing these decisions. Even when they don’t work out well, we learn what we don’t want.

Some people have trouble making even tame decisions. Rick Hansen explains, in his book, Resilient, that these people may not have a sense of agency. “Agency is the sense of being a cause rather than an effect. With agency, you are active rather than passive, taking initiative and directing your life rather than being swept along.”

Toward the end of my first marriage, we moved from a small apartment into a house. We suddenly found ourselves with some overwhelming decorating decisions. I knew what I liked, but this did not match up with what my ex-husband liked. I did not have the bandwidth to argue and negotiate every detail with him, as I had a demanding job and a toddler. I did not have the agency that this move, and these decisions required.

My ex-husband ended up making most of the decorating decisions. This is how I ended up with orange couches that didn’t fit in the living room and that I hated from day one. Having to live with his one-sided decisions made me vow to never let something like that happen again. My opinions mattered and I needed to speak up and have my voice heard. Eventually I was able to free up time and space and have enough agency to decide which curtains I liked in the living room, but also where I would live and work.

“I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Roberts tells us that “many decisions involve burning bridges, crossing into a new experience that will change you in ways you can’t imagine, including what you care about and what brings you joy or sorrow.”

He explains that humans aspire to flourish. “To flourish is to live life fully. That means more than simply accumulating pleasures and avoiding pain. Flourishing includes living and acting with integrity, virtue, purpose, meaning, dignity, and autonomy – aspects of life that are not just difficult to quantify but that you might put front and center, regardless of the cost.” We flourish by making the most of ourselves and our potential as humans. We want purpose and meaning out of our lives. These things define who we are and how we see ourselves. These longings are fulfilled through a series of decisions.

This week, we will look at how we can improve our decisiveness and solve problems, wild and tame.

Journal Prompts –

Decision Day: Reflect on a recent tame decision you made. Write down the steps you took to arrive at that decision. Did you weigh pros and cons? Did you have a gut feeling? How did your sense of agency influence your choice?

The Road Not Taken: Think about a "wild" decision you've faced in the past. Journal about the different paths you considered and the factors that made it difficult to choose. Would a stronger sense of agency have changed the outcome?

Future You: Imagine yourself five years from now. Write a letter to yourself outlining the major decisions you'd like to make in that timeframe. What steps can you take now to build your decisiveness for these future choices?

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.