January 12 - Let Me Introduce You to Your Friends

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” Roy T. Bennett

Curiosity is an essential quality that can greatly benefit our relationships. Here are some areas where we can find and cultivate curiosity within our relationships:

Open-ended Questions: Instead of making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, approach conversations with a genuine curiosity to learn more about the other person. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. We are always connected, but we are rarely connecting with one another. We practice conversation less when we all hide behind our screens. We are less likely to be able to hear one another, be present for one another, or even have our minds changed by others.

Active Listening: Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the other person. Show genuine curiosity about their perspective and avoid interrupting or assuming you already know what they're going to say. Truly listen to understand rather than just waiting for your turn to speak. We need to deliberately break down the ordinary social codes that force people to drop their guard and allow joy in conversations to be discovered. Seth Goldenberg states, “The theater of the shared meal may be just the design device to revive curiosity.” Go out to brunch together, meet friends for lunch, or invite people over for “Kaffee und Kuchen.” “Few forms of curiosity are more powerful than conversation. An exchange of ideas is how we explore new possibilities. Conversations, when they are at their best, are unscripted vehicles for discovery. At scale, they create the symphony of discourse,” Goldenberg continues.

Seeking Understanding: Cultivate curiosity about the other person's world and seek to understand their unique experiences, beliefs, and values. Be open to learning from their different perspectives and be willing to challenge your own assumptions or preconceived notions.

Exploring Interests: Take an interest in the hobbies, passions, and interests of the other person. Ask them about their favorite activities, books, movies, or any other subjects they enjoy. This curiosity can lead to engaging conversations and help you understand their passions better.

Embracing Novelty: Cultivate a sense of curiosity and adventure together by exploring new activities or experiences. Try new restaurants, visit new places, or engage in shared hobbies or interests that you both find intriguing. This shared curiosity can strengthen your bond and create new memories.

Emotional Curiosity: Show genuine curiosity about the emotional experiences of the other person. Be attentive to their feelings and be open to understanding the reasons behind their emotions. Curiosity about their emotional world helps foster empathy and deepens the emotional connection between you.

Lifelong Learning Together: Embrace a mindset of lifelong learning within your relationship. Curiosity doesn't have to be limited to the early stages of a relationship but can be a continuous exploration of each other's growth, dreams, and aspirations. Encourage each other to pursue personal development and support each other's learning journeys.

Remember, curiosity in relationships is about being genuinely interested in the other person and their experiences. It fosters deeper connections, promotes understanding, and opens doors to new discoveries and shared growth. We don’t know each other well. We also don’t know what we don’t know.

Exercise: Engage in a "curiosity conversation" with someone in your life. Choose a topic that you both find interesting but may have different perspectives on. Approach the conversation with genuine curiosity, actively listening to their viewpoint and asking open-ended questions to delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences.

Get out into the world! Here is a luggage tag to keep track of your stuff while you are out there! It will remind you that when you stay curious, every trip can be an adventure.

Here is the adorable Curious Cat Figure. I modeled it after my own curious cat, Cookie!