“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” Helen Keller

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” Emily Post

Awareness lies at the heart of our relationships with partners, families, and friends. The power of awareness cannot be overstated, as it encompasses perceiving, understanding, and acknowledging the way others feel. It allows us to identify the things that make people feel valued, listened to, cared for, consulted, and understood. By cultivating this awareness, we can create deeper connections, foster stronger bonds, and enhance the overall quality of our relationships.
Renowned psychiatrist and author, Daniel J. Siegel, in his book Aware, highlights the significance of openness, observations, and objectivity in stabilizing our mindsight lens. This lens enables us to sense the energy and information flow with greater clarity, depth, and detail. It is through this heightened awareness that we can truly comprehend the emotional landscape of those around us, gaining insight into their joys, struggles, and needs.
John O'Leary, in his inspiring work In Awe, reminds us of the importance of living in the present moment. He emphasizes that we were not made to be in a thousand places at once but to be fully present here, right now. O'Leary encourages us to immerse ourselves in each experience, giving it our full attention. By doing so, we unlock the potential for every moment to become significant, awe-inspiring, and transformative.
In our fast-paced world, it is all too easy to become consumed by the pursuit of a perfect tomorrow, exchanging what we love today for some distant ideal. O'Leary challenges us to question this mindset and reminds us of the joy that comes from living fully immersed in the present. While we all have responsibilities and aspirations, we must not lose sight of the miraculous moments that surround us each day. True awareness allows us to find awe in the here and now, celebrating the beauty of our existence.
O'Leary also draws our attention to the addiction we universally wrestle with today—the addiction to the unimportant. We often find ourselves tethered to work, media, and social media, allowing our attention to be stolen away from the moments that truly matter. By cultivating awareness, we can break free from this cycle and reestablish our connection with the people and experiences that bring us fulfillment and joy.
Moreover, O'Leary highlights the valuable lessons we can learn from children. Children possess an innate ability to fully immerse themselves in each task, be it work, play, or rest. They embrace the present moment wholeheartedly, experiencing each activity with undivided attention. As adults, we can rediscover our sense of immersion by adopting this childlike approach. By focusing on one task at a time, we free ourselves from the overwhelming stress of trying to do it all. Through awareness, we can find peace and fulfillment in the here and now.
Nicole Lepera, in her illuminating book How To Do the Work, reminds us of the importance of self-awareness. She emphasizes that true change begins with understanding our own minds and bodies. To expect others to see through our layers of self-betrayal and connect with our core selves, we must first forge a genuine connection with ourselves. Developing practical tools for self-understanding enables us to create the changes we seek and empowers us to nurture authentic connections with others.
So, how can we strengthen and continually grow in our awareness of others? Here are some strategies to consider:
Make time to get to know the people in your life on a deeper level. Understand their values, aspirations, and challenges. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tonality of voice. These cues offer valuable insights into the emotions and needs of others.
Foster open communication by asking open-ended questions. For years, my family has used decks of cards called, “Table Topics” to find out more about each other at every meal. Encourage others to share their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express themselves.
As we have discussed before, practice active listening. Truly engage with what others are saying without interrupting or formulating a response. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
Acknowledge and appreciate the contributions and efforts of others. Involve them in decision-making processes, especially when choices impact them or their work. Even young children can have opinions and gain a sense of autonomy in an appropriate way.
Collaboration and respect are key elements of fostering awareness in relationships.
Awareness in relationships is a transformative journey toward empathy, understanding, and respect. By perceiving, understanding, and acknowledging the way others feel, we create deeper connections, manage conflicts more effectively, and promote positive interactions. Let us embrace the power of awareness in our relationships with partners, families, and friends, enriching our lives and the lives of those around us.
Game: "Two Truths and a Lie"
Play a classic icebreaker game with a twist. Instead of random facts, focus on sharing personal experiences or feelings. This game encourages self-reflection and vulnerability while also fostering connection with others.
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