“The beginnings of all things are small.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

Today, I want to dive deep into the realm of our close relationships and explore how humility plays a role in encouraging meaningful connections. As we find the way through the intricacies of human interaction, humility becomes a guiding light that opens doors, builds bridges, and allows us to truly understand and support one another.
Developing humility in our relationships is of the greatest importance. Adam Grant reminds us that, "If we don't, our attitude of superiority prevents us from reacting to others' sadness and even to our own." When we approach our relationships with humility and curiosity, we free ourselves from the constraints of overconfidence and open up to new possibilities. When we truly converse, remembering to engage with humility and curiosity, it invites us to step back and truly listen to others. It is not about telling people what to do but rather helping them explore new paths by asking open-ended questions, engaging in reflective listening, and affirming their desire and ability to change. This is why small talk irritates me so much and I find that I have trouble engaging in it!
To build strong relationships, we must be willing to make ourselves vulnerable. I understand the challenges and risks involved in showing our true selves and the fear of potential humiliation. However, vulnerability is the key ingredient that makes relationships personal and authentic. By exposing our true selves and being willing to invest emotionally, we communicate to others that we genuinely care about the relationship. It is through vulnerability that we create spaces for trust, growth, and mutual support. We have to break down our walls and show our true selves to each other. If we can’t do this in a close relationship, when can we? If you have trouble doing this in a relationship, maybe that relationship isn’t as close as you thought it was.
Humility also plays a significant role in learning from failure. Without humility, we tend to attribute success solely to our own brilliance and blame others for any setbacks. However, when we embrace humility, we recognize that there is always more to learn. Admitting what we don't know is the first step toward acquiring new knowledge and skills. It allows us to approach challenges with an open mind, ready to absorb the better ideas of others. Humility enables us to be lifelong learners, continuously evolving and growing.
Being a good listener is a powerful manifestation of humility in our relationships. Richard J. Foster highlights the importance of slowing down, considering the emotions and perspectives of others, and paying attention. When we actively listen, we show respect, empathy, and a willingness to understand. By maintaining eye contact, being open-minded, and resisting the urge to interrupt, we create an environment where others feel heard and valued. Asking questions or restating what we heard demonstrates our genuine interest in the other person's experiences and fosters deeper connections.
To connect with others authentically, we must also be present, genuine, and positive in our communication. Our body language speaks volumes, so let's face the person, make eye contact, and invite them with a warm smile and open arms. Let's put our phones down and give our undivided attention to those we interact with, showing them that they matter. Humility makes us more human, more accessible, and more capable of caring for the needs of others.
Reflecting on the welcoming spirit of children, we find a profound lesson in humility. Foster writes, "The child is an appropriate example of 'greatness' because of the child's ability to welcome anyone and everyone." Children embrace others without judgment or bias, creating an inclusive space for play and connection. This is what I loved most about being a teacher. Children have no ulterior motives, no status to protect. As adults, we can learn from this childlike openness and bring it into our relationships, making room for acceptance and understanding.
Let us remember Edgar Schein's words: "Humble inquiry is the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you don't already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person." By approaching our relationships with humility, we unlock the power of curiosity, deepening our connections and enriching our understanding of our relationships and each other.
Activity: Engage in active listening with a friend or loved one. Choose a topic that is important to them and genuinely listen without interrupting or offering advice. Practice being fully present and attentive, allowing the other person to feel heard and valued.
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