March 7 – Unlocking True Connection: The Power of Respectful Relationships

“When we act civilly, we respect others as beings with equal dignity and moral worth,” remarks Alexandra Hudson in her book, The Soul of Civility. Respect is crucial in fostering healthy and meaningful relationships. Humans have the capacity to empathize with others, understand their perspectives, and treat them with dignity. This empathy allows individuals to appreciate the uniqueness of each person and build connections based on mutual respect. In contrast, computers and AI lack the emotional intelligence necessary to truly understand and empathize with others, limiting their ability to establish genuine relationships.

Hudson continues “respecting others involves candid, robust, and truthful dialogue uninhibited by the rules of politeness.” I find that the golden rule applies here, treat others as you would like to be treated. This includes relationships, such as family, friends, significant others, classmates, colleagues, and neighbors. In each relationship, we should be there for each other. For example, Hudson suggests, “we can invite neighbors into our homes, or offer to help them when they’re in need; water their plants while they travel, bring them groceries when they are ill, or have a meal delivered when they welcome a new child into the world.”

“I now realize that relationships are as much about respecting differences as they are about sharing commonalities.” Nickolas Marti

What about those people in our lives who seem not as respectful? In Make Peace with Anyone, David Lieberman explains, “When you’re dealing with a person who feels threatened, research clearly indicates, self-deprecating behavior is the optimum attitude. This would be offering information about yourself that isn’t flattering. It shows humility, honesty, and trust.” I found, working with young children, who are shy or scared on the first day of school, doing something silly and laughing at myself, will help them see that I am a person, too.

How do we gain respect after we have done something wrong? Lieberman has a great idea for fixing this situation, too! “Let the person know that your actions were not meant as disrespectful, even though that is how they appeared. Remind him of how much you admire and respect him and apologize specifically for both your actions and the lack of respect they showed.” Follow this up by asking them for help or collaboration with something. Lieberman explains why this is a good idea:

1)   Whenever we invest ourselves in anything, in this case a person, with time, energy, attention, we feel closer and more attached.

2)   When someone allows us to give, we feel better about ourselves, as giving reinforces the feeling that we are in control and independent.

3)   And finally, doing for another engages a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance, whereby we conclude that we must have a favorable impression of the other person.

“When we love and respect people, revealing to them their value, they can begin to come out from behind the walls that protect them.” Jean Vanier

My dad was always complaining to my mom that we didn’t respect him. I always shot back that he didn’t respect us. Respect is a two-way street, you can’t expect someone to respect you if you don’t respect them, even if it’s a child. Lieberman also has some tips for showing respect to others. He suggests not criticizing the other person harshly, especially in front of others. You shouldn’t roll your eyes at them, read, look at your phone or the television when the other person is talking. You should give them your undivided attention. When you are not with this person, you shouldn’t gossip about them. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt and learn to judge them favorably, always assuming they have a good reason for their actions.

The best way to earn respect is to show respect by valuing and celebrating the different strengths and perspectives others bring.

Board Game Night: Play cooperative board games that require teamwork and communication, fostering respect and collaboration.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.