May 3 – The Responsibility of Care: Nurturing Our Homes and Ourselves

“Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being.” Kevin Kruse

Our homes are more than just physical structures; they are extensions of ourselves, our personalities, and our values. The care and maintenance of our homes reflect our responsibility towards ourselves and our surroundings. Just as we have responsibilities to our families, communities, and the wider world, our homes demand a certain level of care and attention.

Care tasks, such as cleaning, cooking, and organizing, may seem mundane, but they require time, energy, and planning. KC Davis in How to Keep House While Drowning, sheds light on this, saying, “Care tasks are the ‘chores’ of life: cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding, dishes, and hygiene. These may seem like uncomplex tasks. But when you actually break down the amount of time, energy, skill, planning, and maintenance that go into care tasks, they no longer seem simple.”

One of the challenges many of us face is viewing care tasks as moral obligations rather than functional errands. I always feel like if my house is not tidy and someone comes over and sees it, they will think I am a slob or lazy. Davis encourages us to shift this perspective, noting, “You don’t exist to serve your space; your space exists to serve you. Internalizing this belief will help you: a) shift your perspective of care tasks from a moral obligation to a functional errand, b) see what changes you actually want to make, and c) weave them into your life with minimal effort, relying not on self-loathing, but on self-compassion.”

“What I learned is that decluttering isn’t necessarily about the things themselves, but about what you want out of life, the choices you make, and where you want to spend your money.” Astrid Van Der Hulst

In the face of overwhelming tasks, it's essential to prioritize. Davis offers a tool called the 9 square to help with this. She suggests, “One tool that can be very helpful when deciding how to prioritize and deprioritize items is the 9 square. Pick an area of your life. Write a list of items you think are important in that area.” Using a 9-square method is a visual tool that can help you prioritize tasks or areas of focus in your life.

Here's how you can use it:

Draw a 3x3 Grid: Create a grid with three rows and three columns, resulting in nine squares.

Identify the Area of Focus: Label each row (across) with a level of importance, low, medium, and high. Label the columns as easy, medium, and hard.

List Priorities: Within each square, list tasks, projects, or goals that fall under the corresponding category. For me, the front hallway was both the highest priority, because it’s the first thing any visitor sees, and the easiest, because everything has a place, it’s basically just keeping the floor clean. The lowest priority is my office. It is up on the third floor, so most people don’t make it that far. It's a room basically for me, I can close the door and ignore it until the mood to organize and clean strikes. All other chores fell somewhere in between.

“Clear out the useless to make room for the good stuff.” Graham Hill

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks involved in caring for a home. Davis reassures us, “It will look like that again tomorrow only if I clean it today. If I don’t clean it, it will be even more messy because we live here and we create mess. And if tomorrow’s mess is on top of today’s mess is going to make my space not function for me, then it’s time to reset the space.”

Just as we care for our homes, we must also care for ourselves. This includes setting aside time for self-care activities that rejuvenate us mentally, emotionally, and physically. As Davis wisely puts it, “You can’t save the rainforest if you’re depressed. You are not responsible for saving the world if you are struggling to save yourself.” I often tell myself that I don’t have the time or energy for a walk. But when I do take a walk, I come back feeling energized and refreshed. I even get creative ideas and solutions to problems when I am walking.

“There is an immediate emotional and psychological payoff to getting our houses in order. We might not be able to control what’s happening externally in our lives, but we can learn to look to our own inner resources for a sense of comfort that nurtures and sustains.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

Our homes are sacred spaces that require our attention and care. By shifting our perspectives on care tasks and prioritizing self-care, we can create harmonious environments that support our well-being. Remember, being messy is not a moral failing, and you deserve a home that functions for you.

Activity –

Home Prioritization: Create a list of tasks and categorize them into your 9-square grid.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.