April 17 – Cultivating Your Compass: Why Autonomy Matters and How to Find Yourself

“The more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I thrive.” Elliot Page

Autonomy, the ability to act independently and make your own choices, is a cornerstone of human well-being. It empowers us to embark on a lifelong journey of self-discovery, a quest to understand who we are at our core. Through experiences, introspection, and exploration, we develop our internal compass, the guiding principles that shape our decisions and life path. But why is this sense of autonomy so important?

“I found that you have to make your own path.” Naomi Osaka

T.D. Jakes, in Disruptive Thinking, uses the metaphor of a fence to describe limitations placed on us, often by external forces or our own fears. He argues that "understanding our fences and deconstructing them is crucial to moving forward."  Autonomy allows us to identify these fences, both visible and invisible, and take steps to remove them. Perhaps you were told you weren't good at math, and this limited your exploration of science-related fields. Maybe societal pressures have made you feel you should follow a certain career path, even if it doesn't resonate with your values. Autonomy empowers you to challenge these limitations and pursue a path that is authentically yours.

Jakes further emphasizes that "we can't have construction without deconstruction." Developing a strong sense of autonomy requires dismantling these internal fences and the negative beliefs they support. This can be a challenging process, but self-reflection is a powerful tool. Ask yourself the tough questions: What truly matters to me? What kind of life do I want to lead? What principles guide my decisions? Journaling, meditation, or simply taking time for quiet reflection can help you find the answers.

“My opinion is the only opinion that counts.” Shay Mitchell

Building self-awareness is another crucial step. Consider the four well-being circuits identified by Richard Davidson: the ability to maintain positive states, recover from negative states, focus attention, and be generous.  By understanding your strengths and weaknesses in these areas, you can identify areas for growth and make choices that enhance your overall well-being. For example, if you struggle with maintaining a positive state, explore activities that bring you joy, like spending time in nature or connecting with loved ones.

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand

Autonomy is not simply about independence; it's also about understanding the factors that influence your choices. Douglas Abrams, Desmond Tutu, and the Dalai Lama, in The Book of Joy, point out that much of our suffering stems from how we react to situations. Developing a sense of acceptance allows us to respond thoughtfully rather than being ruled by negativity. Similarly, Molly Maloof in The Spark Factor, highlights the importance of managing your energy.  By making conscious choices about what you eat, how you move your body, and how you manage stress, you increase your capacity for living a full and engaged life.

“Solitude is the soul’s holiday, an opportunity to stop doing for others and to surprise and delight ourselves instead…in solitude, we discover what makes us feel alive.” Katrina Kenison

Felicia Day, in Embrace Your Weird, reminds us that "our time is finite... It's our fuel." Autonomy allows you to be mindful of how you spend your energy and make choices that align with your values. Are you spending too much time on social media and not enough pursuing creative endeavors? Do you feel drained by negative interactions?  By taking control of your time and energy, you create space for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.

“You have to be the judge of when to just take it easy on yourself.” Taylor Swift

Developing a strong sense of autonomy is an ongoing process. It requires challenging your assumptions, experimenting with new experiences, and being open to personal growth. Remember, as Adam Grant points out in Think Again, "we would be better off thinking less and just being more open." Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and you'll find the power to live a life that is authentic and fulfilling.

Journal Prompt:

Consider how you move through difficult times. What habits are you continuing to nurture that may not serve you anymore? What actions are you taking that may be better to leave behind, even temporarily? What small grace do you need to extend to yourself instead? You don’t always have to be all things to everyone, including to yourself.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.