April 21 – The Journey to Autonomy: Owning Your Story

“Don’t spend all of your time trying to be like someone else because you can never be them and they can never be you.” Raven Symoné

Autonomy, the ability to make your own choices and act independently, isn't a destination – it's a lifelong journey. This path unfolds in stages, each presenting unique challenges and opportunities for growth.

The first steps towards autonomy begin in childhood. As toddlers, we explore independence, learning to feed ourselves, dress ourselves, and make simple choices. This is a crucial time for nurturing a sense of self.  As Steve Ledder reminds us in For You When I Am Gone, "We each have a story and we really do want to tell our story; we want it to be known." Encourage children to express their individuality, interests, and perspectives. This early foundation fosters the confidence needed to make autonomous choices later in life.

The teenage years are often marked by a desire for separation and the assertion of autonomy from parental figures. This "rebellion" is not simply defiance; it's a critical stage in establishing a personal identity. Teenagers explore different possibilities, challenge authority, and develop their own set of values. While this can be frustrating for parents, it's vital to provide space for exploration within safe boundaries. Open communication and respect for their emerging sense of self will equip them with the tools to navigate future choices with confidence.

“Not being perfect has given me the freedom to keep getting better.” Gigi Hadid

Young adulthood opens a world of possibilities. Education, career paths, relationships – these decisions are often the first truly independent choices young people make. As Bill Burnett and Dave Evans emphasize in Designing Your Life, "Wayfinding is the ancient art of figuring out where you are going when you don't actually know your destination."

This exploration can feel daunting, but it's also liberating. Encourage young adults to experiment, take calculated risks, and learn from their experiences. As Norman Rosenthal reminds us in The Gift of Adversity, "A person who has been injured always has a choice: to seek revenge, to walk away, or to extend the hand of humanity." Learning to navigate setbacks and make responsible choices are essential building blocks for a life of autonomy.

As we mature, autonomy continues to evolve. We refine our sense of self, understanding our values, strengths, and weaknesses. Our lives become more complex, often balancing careers, families, and personal aspirations. As Dorcas Cheng-Tozun points out in Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul, "As we get older, our brains adapt to provide us with the gift of not caring or noticing what other people may be thinking or feeling. We become a bit better at focusing on what's important and dismissing what's not." This newfound clarity allows us to prioritize our needs and make choices that align with our life goals.

“You are beautiful and you can do anything.” Lizzo

Building autonomy is a continuous process. Life throws challenges that force us to re-evaluate our choices and adapt. Remember, "Change is hard," as Julie Smith states in Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?. Having a solid sense of self and a clear understanding of your "why" – your purpose and driving force – provides the anchor you need to navigate change and maintain autonomy throughout your life.

Understanding your values, strengths, and needs is the foundation for making autonomous choices. Regular reflection, journaling, or personality assessments can be helpful tools.

The more skills you have, the greater your independence and autonomy. Pursue learning opportunities that empower you in your personal and professional life.

Learn to say no to requests that drain your time and energy or violate your values. Healthy boundaries are essential for protecting your autonomy and well-being.

Maintain a curious mind and continue learning throughout your life. This empowers you to adapt to change and make informed decisions.

Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and explore new possibilities. Calculated risks can lead to unexpected opportunities for growth.

Don't try to fit into a mold. Your individuality is your strength. Embrace your unique talents and perspectives.

Autonomy isn't about isolation; it's about contributing your unique voice to the world. As Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst remind us in The Big Book of Less, "People who don't do anything start to feel worthless very quickly...”

Journal Prompt:

What legacy are you looking to make in your life? What do you want to leave behind for future generations? What do you want to see change? What do you want to preserve?

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.