July 7 – Why Freedom is Essential for Fulfilling Relationships

“Our freedom extends only as far as our consciousness reaches.” Carl Jung

Relationships can be complicated. Cyndie Spiegel captures this perfectly in Microjoys: "Navigating the depth of our full feelings is challenging, particularly with our parents." But within this complexity lies a beautiful truth: freedom. It's the essential note that allows the symphony of our relationships to play a harmonious tune.

“The only time we can change another person is when they’re in diapers.” Kris Carr

Freedom starts at home. As parents, we strive to raise children with a sense of autonomy. This doesn't mean letting them run wild, but fostering an environment where they can explore their passions and make choices, even if they differ from ours. This, as Becky Vollmer suggests in You Are Not Stuck, protects them from the disappointment of "failing to live up to someone else's expectations" and empowers them to discover their own authentic selves.

However, freedom isn't a solo performance. It requires a delicate balance between individual pursuits and shared responsibilities. Rick Rubin emphasizes this in The Creative Act: A Way of Being, “Discipline and freedom seem like opposites. In reality, they are partners." Contributing to the family unit, sharing chores, and respecting one another's time allows everyone the space to flourish while maintaining a strong bond.

The same applies to marriage. Healthy partnerships require open communication and the freedom to express oneself. Morrie Schwarz highlights this in The Wisdom of Morrie, "The most important thing is to use your freedom to express your inner self." Sharing dreams, fears, and vulnerabilities allows couples to connect on a deeper level and build a foundation of trust. The freedom to be yourself and not to put on an act is liberating and leads to trust and freedom in other areas of your life.

Friendships are another vital space where freedom thrives. Supportive and non-restrictive friendships allow us to be ourselves, without judgment. We can explore our interests, share our quirks, and grow together. This resonates with the sentiment expressed by Mary Pipher in Women Rowing North, "One powerful skill is learning to make position statements... Afterward, we experience a rush of newfound freedom." Understanding what you are and are not willing to do, and communicating this, sets boundaries, but also leads to a sense of independence within a friendship. I have friends that I am willing to discuss political matters with and others where I would rather just stick with what is happening with our children or our careers. People connect in different ways. Figuring this out is part of being friends.

“When you’re not quite dead, you’re not quite alive, either.” Becky Vollmer

Freedom doesn't mean isolation. True friendships require a balance between self-expression and respecting social boundaries. Navigating social pressures can be tricky, but it's important to remember Ralph Waldo Emerson's words: "The price of conformity is the loss of self." We can learn to navigate social situations while staying true to our core values.

The digital age adds another layer to navigating friendships. Online interactions offer a unique space for connection, but they shouldn't replace real-life interactions. We must find the balance between virtual connection and the freedom that comes from face-to-face interactions.

The concept of freedom extends to professional relationships as well. An ideal work environment fosters a sense of autonomy and allows employees to contribute their unique skills. This aligns with John O'Leary's message in his book In Awe, "We forget that we are free to get in the game." Feeling empowered and valued at work unlocks creativity and fosters a spirit of collaboration.

Freedom also requires responsibility. We must balance career aspirations with personal life. Working long hours every day might seem like dedication, but it can lead to burnout and resentment. Finding a healthy rhythm allows us to excel at work while nurturing our personal lives.

Finally, freedom extends to leadership. The best leaders empower others, as Sebastian Junger suggests in Freedom, "In a deeply free society, not only would leaders be banned from exploiting their position, but they would also be expected to make the same sacrifices...as everyone else." Creating an environment where everyone feels free to contribute fosters innovation and a strong sense of community.

Freedom is a continuous journey, not a destination. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, we might lose sight of it sometimes. Social pressures, family expectations, and even the fear of making mistakes can stifle our sense of freedom. But the key is to remember that freedom is always within reach. We can cultivate it by setting boundaries, expressing our needs, and prioritizing self-care. As Becky Vollmer reminds us in You Are Not Stuck, "That's what this journey is all about – becoming free."

By embracing freedom in all our relationships, we create a symphony of trust, respect, and growth. It's a melody that enriches not only our own lives, but the lives of those around us.

Activities –

The "Family Choice Night" Experiment: Dedicate one night a week where each family member gets to choose the activity (dinner, movie, game, etc.). This allows everyone to explore their interests and fosters a sense of autonomy within the family unit.

The "Unplugged Adventure Date": Plan a date night where you completely disconnect from technology (phones, laptops). Explore a new place together, engage in a creative activity, or simply have a deep conversation without distractions. Focus on being present and strengthening your connection.

The "Digital Detox Dinner Party": Organize a dinner party where everyone agrees to leave their phones at home or silenced in a designated spot. Focus on conversation, games, and enjoying each other's company in the present moment.

The "Brainstorming Blitz": If you're in a leadership role, dedicate some time during a team meeting for a brainstorming session. Encourage everyone to contribute ideas freely, without judgment. This fosters a sense of autonomy and can lead to innovative solutions.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.