June 13 – Decisive Advantage: Mastering Big and Small Choices

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” Rosa Parks

In his book, Wild Problems, Russ Roberts explains, “Animals, like children, don’t have a hard time making a decision. They act out of innate instinct, not learned behavior.”

As adults we are always looking for a life hack, app, formula, or calculation that will help us make decisions. But because life is complicated, these solutions often do not really help. If we want to make a rational decision, we often look back to other challenges we’ve faced. We rely on data, algorithms that can be tested, and experiments that can be replicated. Roberts tells us that for tame problems, this process of using science, engineering, and rational thought can lead to steady progress.

For wild problems, we try to gather information, measure what we can, and quantify what we can’t. It feels like we are moving in the right direction. But Roberts states that by focusing on what we know and can imagine, we’re ignoring the full range of choices open to us. Some important things are hard to measure. Some measurable things are often misleading. How can we make these decisions?

Often people make a list of pros and cons. In 1995, I was facing deciding between two suitors. I made a list of pros and cons, knowing that the decision I made would ultimately determine the path my life would follow. Being only 22, I did not know that what worked for me in the present would not work for me in the future.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

We all have decisions like this in life, whether to marry, who to marry, whether to have children, what career path to follow, how much time to devote to family and friends, how to resolve ethical dilemmas. Roberts tells us that these big decisions can’t be made with data, science, or using a rational approach.

Roberts explains that through much of human history, authority and tradition dictated or eliminated many of the decisions we now face. He says, “What was once destiny is now a decision. That’s glorious, but it’s also challenging.” Most of us disdain tradition. Roberts encourages us to instead think of it as what has survived the test of time. Even if you don’t bow to tradition in the end, it’s still a good place to start. We can look to people older than us for advice. We can research what people in similar situations have done. We can weigh these ideas, but when it comes down to it, we need to decide what is best for us.

“Because we crave control and certainty,” Roberts remarks, “our natural impulse is to try to illuminate the darkness with more information and better strategies.” Sometimes in our search for the best, we pass over the good and good enough.

The choices we make offer the potential for a better life. Roberts outlines, “Even if all you care about is having a good time during your all-too-short time on this earth, you will struggle to anticipate what it is that will bring delight, pleasure, contentment.” We would all like to find purpose and meaning. We strive to do the right thing. We want to belong. In the end, we want to look back on a life well-lived.

“Whenever your gut is out of kilter, trouble awaits. Your gut is your inner compass. Whenever you have to consult other people for an answer, you’re headed in the wrong direction.” Oprah Winfrey

Life is a journey. The big decisions we make always involve a mixture of good and bad. Over time, these decisions create an overarching feeling that suffuses what we feel at the time and afterward. Knowing which answer is the best one can’t be known until we arrive in the distant land known as the future. Exercising our values daily and using them to make decisions, enables us to flourish in the long run. I use honesty and empathy to guide my decisions. I often use creativity to solve problems. What works for me, may not work for you. We all have unique ideas about what is important and how we want to feel about our lives when we look back.

After 26 years of teaching, I was trying to decide whether to teach another year or retire. I weighed the costs and benefits. In the end, it was the feeling that I had done all I could do and that my passion for it had flickered from even what it was a few years before. When thinking about my future, I realized I would regret not taking the time and energy I had left to fulfill my dream of being an author. I would regret not taking the time to complete the creative ideas I needed to get out into the world. I was lucky enough that my husband supported this decision. I feel fulfilled through this blog when people tell me how it has sparked an idea, made them think differently, or moved them to take action in their lives. Teaching was very fulfilling, but writing is fulfilling in a different way.

By following a mixture of common sense, your instincts, guidance from others, the wisdom of those who have gone through similar, and the strength of your values, you can solve some of the wildest of life’s dilemmas.

Activity –

Visit a Local Historical Site: Explore a historical landmark or museum that tells the story of a pivotal decision. Learn about the context and potential consequences of those choices.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.