May 10 – Adapting to Connect: How Flexibility Enriches Our Relationships

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” Vivian Greene

Relationships are the fabric that binds our lives together, shaping our experiences and teaching us valuable lessons about ourselves and others. Today, we'll explore how flexibility plays a pivotal role in maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships, whether it's with a spouse, friend, or child.

One of the fundamental truths about relationships is that they require effort and adaptability. As Spiegel notes in Microjoys, “Making new friends as adults can feel daunting and awkward. Lean into it anyway. Stay open to community, new friendships, and the possibility of all things. And, of course, always ask for what you want (especially when a new friend is involved).” This quote totally sums up the way I feel about new friends-awkward! I am not the only one. I have seen many people reaching out and trying to find friends on Facebook. I joined, but never showed up for a walking group. I joined, but never attended a local book club. I also joined, but never made it to a monthly meet-up of people looking for new friends. I am interested in meeting new people, but I have to get over my awkwardness and excuses and get out there. Being open to new experiences and relationships, even when it feels uncomfortable, can lead to meaningful connections and personal growth. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that making friends should be effortless or that we should only connect with people who share our interests and values perfectly. However, this mindset can limit our opportunities for growth and connection. By embracing flexibility, we can open ourselves up to diverse friendships and enriching experiences that we might have otherwise missed.

Flexibility in relationships extends beyond making new connections. It's also about adapting to the changing dynamics and needs within existing relationships. Spiegel encourages us to reflect on our assumptions about the relationships we believe will always be available to us. “Which relationships do you presuppose will always be available to you? How might your perspective shift if you thought about them differently? Could you momentarily find lightness, gentleness, or even humor in situations or relationships that may otherwise frustrate, annoy, or anger you? Is it possible to find benevolence or affection hidden between the lines or underneath what you’ve accepted as the truth?” These questions prompt us to challenge our preconceived notions and explore new ways of relating to others.

“Nothing guarantees a long and happy marriage except two people willing to throw themselves, headlong, into the uncertainty, the inevitable pain and disappointment, the absolutely guaranteed failures and essential bravery, of intimacy. It does take two-and that’s a shame, because so many not-too-bad marriages have one person who is willing to make that leap, and one who is, at heart, not-but if you have two people who are willing to make themselves better, more vulnerable, more honest than they were the year before, you, you lucky few, have a shot at the long and happy relationship.” Amy Bloom

For instance, consider a decades old relationship that has recently faced challenges. Instead of clinging to past dynamics or expectations, flexibility encourages us to approach the situation with empathy, openness, and a willingness to adapt. By doing so, we can navigate conflicts more effectively and strengthen our bond with the other person.

Parenting is another area where flexibility plays a crucial role. As children grow and develop, their needs and interests evolve, requiring parents to adapt their approach continually. Flexibility in parenting means being responsive to your child's changing needs, listening to their perspectives, and adjusting your parenting style accordingly. A time-out may work with a four-year-old, but not with a fourteen-year-old. If you figure out what works with a fourteen-year-old, let me know!

In conclusion, flexibility is an indispensable trait in nurturing healthy and resilient relationships. Whether you're forging new friendships, navigating the complexities of long-term relationships, or adapting to the evolving dynamics of family life, flexibility enables us to connect more deeply with others and embrace the richness of human connection.

Remember, relationships are not static; they are dynamic entities that require ongoing effort, understanding, and adaptability. By cultivating flexibility in our relationships, we can foster deeper connections, promote mutual growth, and enrich our lives in ways that rigidness and inflexibility could never achieve.

Activity –

Community Event Exploration: Attend a local community event or workshop with a friend or partner, exploring new experiences and fostering connections. Sometimes it’s easier to get out there and meet new people or do new things if you have a partner, especially if you need someone to keep you accountable and make sure you follow through (like me!).

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.