February 7 – Embracing Self-Acceptance: Letting Go of Perfection and Finding Peace Within

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” Mark Twain

“The only person I really believe in is me.” Debbie Harry

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.” Richard Bach

“We can stop waiting for life to become perfect and start working with what we’ve got to make it as satisfying as we can. We can accept, bless, give thanks, and get going.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

We often expect too much of ourselves. We set unrealistic standards for ourselves, and we beat ourselves up when we don't meet them. This can lead to feelings of restlessness, anxiety, and self-doubt. The more we wish our lives were different, the worse we feel. When we focus on the things that we don't have or the things that we wish were different, we miss out on the good things that are right in front of us. This can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

We need to learn to accept our mistakes and imperfections. Everyone makes mistakes. It is part of being human. When we can accept our mistakes and imperfections, we can free ourselves from self-judgment and self-criticism. This can lead to a more relaxed and happy life.

If we want to change our lives, we first need to accept our current circumstances. This doesn't mean that we have to like them or that we have to agree with them. It simply means that we are willing to see them for what they are. Once we have accepted our circumstances, we can start to look for ways to change them. But until we accept our circumstances, we will be stuck in the same old patterns.

Acceptance of oneself can be the greatest challenge of all. It can be difficult to accept our flaws and shortcomings, especially when we are constantly bombarded with images and messages of perfection in the media. We may try to deny our flaws, justify our mistakes, or lie to ourselves about who we really are. But this only prevents us from truly knowing and accepting ourselves.

Denial, self-justification, and the lack of self-honesty prevent us from acknowledging our shortcomings. When we deny our flaws, we are essentially lying to ourselves. This can lead to a lot of inner conflict and self-doubt. Self-justification is another way of avoiding our flaws. We may make excuses for our mistakes or blame others for our problems. But this doesn't change the fact that we are responsible for our own actions. And the lack of self-honesty prevents us from seeing ourselves clearly. We may be blind to our own flaws and shortcomings, which can make it difficult to grow and change.

As we age, we experience more transitions in our lives. These transitions can be difficult, as they often involve loss and change. Those people we once thought of as the adults in the room are passing away and suddenly, we are the adults in the room. It really hits home when our peers start passing away. It makes you realize life passes way too fast!

Beyond the changes that death can bring, people are often struck by chronic illness or diseases that are life changing. At the age of 33, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. At first, my son’s father and I were in denial. I moved from denial to acceptance, looking for treatments. He got angry and accused me of faking it and then saying it was my fault for cracking my knuckles. He could not seem to move from the denial stage, which is part of the reason that I had to part ways with him. Denial, anger, and fear can make it difficult to adapt. We may want to hold on to the way things were before, and we may be afraid of the changes that are happening. His denial was toxic to my trying to move on and live with the disease. Later, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as well. This made it hard to get on the floor and play Legos with my son, which was one of our favorite things to do. I grieved that I lost that time with him.

We need to be willing to adapt to our new normal. This means accepting the changes that are happening in our lives and finding ways to cope with them. I finally found treatments for both of my ailments. The treatment for my RA led to lowered immunity. So as a teacher of young children, I caught every single thing they had. I was sick all the time. When I wasn’t sick, I still suffered from fatigue. A few years ago, I had to make the decision to start working from home. I felt a loss, not having a class, colleagues, a classroom to call mine. But it was important for me to do this, for my own health. It is important to accept our new normal. This doesn't mean that we must like it, but we do need to accept it.

The new normal often involves loss of control and independence. We may not be able to do the things we used to do, and we may not have as much control over our lives. It is important to grieve these losses. This will help us to move on and accept our new normal. Now I have good days and bad days, so much so, that having regularly scheduled online classes is difficult. So, I have retired from teaching. Writing and research is my new routine. There are some things we can do to make the transition to our new normal life easier. We can continue to learn, explore our creativity, exercise daily, share our wisdom, and accept the things we cannot change.

When we feel shame, insecurity, or low self-esteem, it can be difficult to see the good in ourselves. We may focus on our flaws and shortcomings, and we may not believe that we have anything to offer. But this is not true. Everyone has unique qualities and strengths. We just need to be willing to see them.

The first step to self-acceptance is to become aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. This means understanding your unique personality, values, and needs. It also means acknowledging your mistakes and failures, without beating yourself up about them. Once you are aware of your flaws, it is important to forgive yourself for them. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is important to learn from them and move on. Holding onto guilt and shame will only hold you back from self-acceptance. Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding to yourself, just as you would be to a friend. This means accepting your flaws and mistakes without judgment. It also means being patient with yourself and giving yourself time to grow and change.

Many of us have an inner critic that constantly judges and criticizes us. This inner critic can be very harmful to our self-esteem and our ability to accept ourselves. It is important to reject this inner critic and replace it with a more supportive and compassionate voice. That inner voice is not you. It’s not reality. Choose to listen to the positive, compassionate voices rather than the critical ones. Give the critical voice a name. I picture mine as Cruella Deville. I would never take advice from her or believe what she says. I can just say to that evil inner voice, “Oh, Cruella, move along you evil bully.”

While it is important to accept our flaws, we should also be committed to improving our shortcomings. This doesn't mean that we have to be perfect, but it does mean that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves. This is a life-long process, not a destination we will finally arrive at.

One of the most important steps to self-acceptance is to accept others. This means accepting people for who they are, with their own unique strengths and weaknesses. It also means being tolerant of people who are different from you. We will learn more about strategies to do this tomorrow.

People who develop self-acceptance and self-compassion are less likely to fear failure, more likely to persevere, and have more self-confidence. Self-acceptance is the acceptance of ourselves as we are, both the good and the bad. This means accepting our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and failures, our positive and negative qualities. It also means accepting our past, present, and future, without judgment.

Self-acceptance is not about being perfect. It is about being comfortable with who we are, flaws and all. It is about accepting ourselves for who we are, even if we don't like everything about ourselves.

Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. It takes time and effort to learn to accept ourselves. We may need to make changes in our lives in order to become more accepting of ourselves. But it is worth it. When we accept ourselves, we can live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.

As we embrace our current situations, we embark on a journey to transform our inner energy, altering our brain patterns. Whatever circumstances fill our lives at this precise instant, we will greet them with open arms. Your cozy kitchen, its floor bearing marks of the day's culinary creations; your physical weight, a reflection of your unique self; the balance within your financial account; the workspace where you dedicate your efforts – these constitute your reality in this fleeting moment. And that's perfectly fine. Today, we will release the chains of resistance, allowing ourselves to gracefully transition forward. We stand poised to embrace the path that awaits, ready to welcome the unfolding future.

Activity: Accepting a situation that bothers you deeply

Think of a situation that bothers you deeply that has already happened or that cannot be changed, and that you find hard to accept.

Close your eyes and focus on your breath.

Scan for painful thoughts about the situation that may arise, such as "The situation isn't fair" or "I can't live with this" or "Why me?"

Meet the painful thought with a statement of acceptance and certainty, such as "It is what it is" or "This is reality" or "It happened" or "Things are exactly as they are right now."

Allow and acknowledge sadness, grief, disappointment. Notice sensations in your body.

Put your hands on your chest with kindness, spread feelings of warmth and kindness through your body. Remind yourself with a long, slow exhale: "I can gently put this baggage down right now."

Picture the pain as a brick or a suitcase. In your mind, put it down and let it go.

This activity can help you to accept a situation that bothers you deeply. It is important to remember that you cannot change the past, but you can choose how you respond to it. By acknowledging your pain and letting it go, you can free yourself from the burden of carrying it around with you.

This activity is adapted from Elissa Epel’s great book, The Stress Prescription.

In today's increasingly digital world, losing sight of what makes us human is easy. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.