February 23 – The Importance of Compassion: Building Stronger Relationships Through Mutual Support

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.” Michelle Obama

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Paul Boese

“Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” Megan Devine

Empathy is not a finite resource, but rather a multiplicative one. When we practice empathy with ourselves and others, we create more empathy. The best way to ensure that we have enough compassion and empathy for others is to take care of our own feelings.

Brene Brown, a researcher on empathy and other feelings, explains that when we are able to empathize with ourselves, we are better able to understand and empathize with others. This is because when we are compassionate towards ourselves, we are more likely to be compassionate towards others.

Brown also suggests that the best way to ensure that we have enough empathy for others is to attend to our own feelings. This means taking the time to understand and process our own emotions, as well as to take care of our physical and mental health. When we are taking care of ourselves, we are better able to be present and supportive of others.

Rick Hansen states, “There’s a general principle that we should treat people with decency and compassion. The Golden Rule is a two-way street.”

Sometimes, this is not the initial response to someone’s trauma. In Option B, Sandberg and Grant say that there are two possible responses to the pain of others: “empathy, which motivates us to help, and distress, which motivates us to avoid.”

Some people, who have lived through a trauma, but have not dealt with it completely, might be retraumatized when someone else goes through it. In his book, Born to Be Good, Dacher Keltner explains that our nervous systems make little distinction between our own pain and the pain of others.” For friends who turn away in times of difficulty, distancing themselves from emotional pain is a coping mechanism. Some people may worry that they will be overwhelmed by their friend's pain, while others may feel helpless to make things better. Simply being there for a friend and offering support can make a big difference. In other words, friends who turn away may not be doing so because they don't care. They may simply be struggling to cope with their own emotions and feelings of inadequacy.

When someone experiences a tragedy, it can be difficult to find comfort in the platitudes that people offer. Instead of saying "everything happens for a reason" or "at least they're in a better place," the most powerful thing you can do is to simply acknowledge the person's pain. Acknowledging someone's pain can help them to feel seen and heard, and it can be a powerful source of comfort during a difficult time. McDowell and Crowe explain, “Ask people about what matters most about listening and they will inevitably tell you it’s having someone hear your experience without judging.” Talking about an experience actually helps people understand it better in the course of telling their story.

When you have gone through something, you are better equipped than anyone else to show compassion to someone going through a similar experience. In her essay, Life After Death, Anna Quindlen describes, "Grief is discussed among those of us who recognize in one another a kindred chasm deep in the center of who we are." Sandberg and Grant state, “After undergoing a hardship, people have new knowledge to offer those who go through similar experiences. It is a unique source of meaning because it does not just give our lives purpose, it gives our suffering a purpose. People help where they’ve been hurt so that their wounds are not in vain.”

Being there for others and ourselves are not the only forms of compassion in our lives. We have to allow others to show compassion toward us as well. McDowell and Crowe say, “Compassion is not a relationship built on a notion of one always-messed-up person matched with one always-saving-the-world person. It is built upon each of us being messed up in many points of our lives.” Building a balance and helping each other with compassion increases the intimacy, happiness, and strength of our relationships.

Activity:

We often don’t know what to say when someone is going through a tough time. We don’t know how to approach them or we don’t want to make things worse, but we want to show our support. Crowe and McDowell say that saying something is better than saying nothing at all. Here are a few ideas they say will help show compassion.

List of Go-To Phrases:

Do you want to talk about it?

How are you doing now?

This must be hard, but you’re doing great.

I trust you to do the right thing.

I’ve seen you get through hard things before. As hard as this feels now, I know you can get through this.

Yes, knowing this does change how I feel about you. I see you as even more beautiful and courageous.

I respect you.

I love you.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.