February 24 – The Power of Compassion: How to Heal Ourselves and Build a Beloved Community

“When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us.” Pema Chödrön

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with the pain.” James Baldwin

“Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.” Oprah Winfrey

In the last few days, we have learned that compassion for others isn’t fully possible if we don’t also have compassion for ourselves. Cheng-Tozun writes, “Being kind to ourselves helps us to live our lives more consistently and completely. When we listen to our own worries and pain, we become better at listening to the worries and pain of others. When we treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, we are more likely to extend that same kindness and compassion to our coworkers, our community, and even our enemies. We become agents of change not just through what we do, but also through who we are.”

When we are less able to understand and care about the feelings of others, we are more likely to see them as a threat. This can lead to increased conflict and violence. However, anger, conflict, and violence never solve the underlying problems. Instead, they only make things worse.

The only way to break this cycle is to learn to have more empathy for each other. When we can see things from the other person's perspective and understand their feelings, we are more likely to be able to resolve our differences peacefully.

Compassion towards others can help us reduce conflict in many ways. When we are compassionate towards our political opponents, we are more likely to be able to understand their concerns and find common ground. When we are compassionate towards people from different cultures, we are more likely to be able to respect their values and traditions. When we are compassionate towards people who have experienced trauma, we are more likely to be able to offer them support and understanding.

Compassion is necessary for understanding. Rick Hansen describes how it helps us make sense of tone and nuance, read intentions correctly, recognize the hurt under the anger, and see the being behind the other person’s eyes. With this view, we can communicate and interact more skillfully. Compassion “bridges differences in a multicultural world.”

Cheng-Tozun reminds us how much can still be learned from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s practices. At a 1960 conference, King explained that “resistance and nonviolence are not in themselves good. There is another element that must be present in our struggle that then makes our resistance and nonviolence truly meaningful. That element is reconciliation. Our ultimate end must be the creation of the beloved community. The tactics of nonviolence without the spirit of reconciliation may indeed become a new kind of violence.” When we attack people for their beliefs, even if we disagree with them, we are making it more difficult to build a community where everyone feels safe, respected, and compassionate.

Nonviolence is a philosophy that rejects violence as a means of resolving conflict. It is based on the belief that all people are equal and deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion. When we practice nonviolence, we are committed to resolving our differences through peaceful means, such as dialogue and compromise.

A beloved community is a vision of a society where everyone is treated with love, respect, and compassion, regardless of their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or any other factor. It is a society where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

When we attack people for their beliefs, we are making it more difficult to achieve both nonviolence and a beloved community. This is because when we attack people, we create a climate of fear and division. This makes it difficult for people to come together and work together to solve problems peacefully.

It is important to remember that we can disagree with people without attacking them. We can still be respectful of their right to have their own opinions, even if we don't agree with them. When we do this, we are helping to create a more peaceful and inclusive community, where everyone feels safe and valued.

If we want to create a beloved community, we need to be committed to nonviolence and respecting the right of others to have their own opinions, even if we disagree with them. We also need to be committed to compassion, which means showing understanding, kindness, and forgiveness to others.

When we have compassion for others, we are more likely to see them as human beings with their own unique experiences and perspectives. This can help us to bridge our differences and build a more just and equitable society.

Realizing that we are all connected is the foundation of practicing compassion and empathy.

Activity: Create a Random Kindness Box to leave in your community.

When choosing items for your random kindness box, try to think of things that are useful, practical, and/or fun. You may also want to consider the needs of your community. For example, if you live in a low-income area, you may want to include more food and personal care items. If you live in an area with a lot of families, you may want to include more school supplies and toys and games.

You can also get creative with your random kindness box. For example, you could create a themed box, such as a "self-care box" or a "back-to-school box." You could also create a box that is specific to a certain holiday or event.

No matter what you choose to put in your random kindness box, make sure it is something that will bring a smile to someone's face. The goal is to spread kindness and make your community a better place.

Food and drinks: Snacks, water bottles, coffee, tea, granola bars, fruit, etc.

Personal care items: Hand sanitizer, tissues, sunscreen, lip balm, hair ties, bobby pins, etc.

School supplies: Pens, pencils, notebooks, erasers, sharpeners, etc.

Arts and crafts supplies: Markers, crayons, colored pencils, paper, glue, etc.

Books and magazines: Fiction, non-fiction, children's books, etc.

Toys and games: Small toys, games, puzzles, etc.

Gift cards: To local businesses, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.

Handwritten notes: Notes of encouragement, gratitude, or simply saying hello.

Flowers: Fresh or artificial flowers.

Other small items: Balloons, stickers, bubbles, etc.

I found a set of postcards from Emily McDowell. I would love to have these on hand for certain occasions.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.