February 27 – Unlocking Self-Awareness: A Journey to Self-Acceptance and Authentic Living

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

Self-awareness begins with honest introspection and leads to self-acceptance. “The most essential relationship that we will ever cultivate is the relationship with ourselves,” explains Cyndie Spiegel in her book, Microjoys. Spiegel describes how this relationship changes as we shift, bend, stretch, break, heal, and grow throughout our lifetime. Everyone has times when they move through the world with uncertainty, just as we all have moments that we are clear and confident.

“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” Dolly Parton

In her book, How to Do the Work, Nicole Lepera describes how many of us feel that we navigate the world on autopilot. We carry out habits and behaviors that don’t serve us or reflect who we are and what we desire. Many times in my life, I have felt this sense of disconnect and had to hit the reset button to figure out what it is I truly want and who I authentically am, right now. Since this keeps changing, I have had to do what sometimes felt selfish, and touch base with myself. Although it felt like there was so much to be done for other people, figuring out myself was fundamental to living the best version of myself, having a sense of meaning and purpose, to authentically be there for others.

“Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.” Shonda Rimes

In his book, Deep Work, author Cal Newport helped me to understand how valuable this activity is. “It has been estimated that the odds of you being here on this planet as you at this particular time, when you take into account how many people are on the planet and how many gazillions of sperm never make it to an egg, are one in four hundred trillion. Take that in. You were meant to be here. It is your job to celebrate your excellence and your unique gifts. It is your job to use your specific talents in service to the world, a world that absolutely must include your well-being.”

“The formula for happiness is just being actually yourself, in the most vivid possible way you can.” Meryl Streep

We must take care of our own needs, just as we would of those we love. Basic needs are food, shelter, and love. Once those are met, we can dive into what we need for physical, emotional, and spiritual wholeness. Lepera explains what we need spiritually is to be seen, to be heard, and to uniquely express our most authentic selves. Rick Hansen asserts in his book, Resilient, “the path your life takes depends on three causes: how you manage your challenges, protect your vulnerabilities, and increase your resources.” To take care of all of these needs and the path our life takes, we need to look at who we are and what matters to us, as well as, understanding what we have difficulty with and how to manage these difficulties.

“We are more than we imagine ourselves to be. It’s what we tell our children, our parents, our friends. But how often do we tell it to ourselves? And if we do, how often do we prove it? How often do we challenge ourselves to do something new?” Veronica Chambers

If you don’t ever stop to ask yourself what really matters to you, you’ll unconsciously organize your life around filling it with the things that matter most to your parents or your culture. You’ll never get the chance to live your own life. To start to become aware of what is happening in our lives right now, look back at your calendar for the last few months. Look at the appointments and meetings. How many of these were in service to things that are meaningful to you? How much of your time was spent on activities that were not meaningful?

“Most people are planted in someone else’s soil…I say to them, uproot yourself. Get into your own soil.” Jackie Shane

It is also helpful to look to the future for cues. When you have a vivid image of yourself in the future, it is easier to make choices now that will lead to that image. It is also helpful to know what we don’t want in the future. Although I loved teaching and I truly felt it was my calling, after twenty-five years, I felt burned out and like I had wrung every drop of enthusiasm I had out of it. What sparked a sense of joy in me was thinking about an image of myself as an author. I knew I did not want to go through my entire life without living out this dream. I also felt that I had given back to society all that I could as a teacher and that writing this blog was a new way to give back. As Dorka Cheng-Tozun states, “Determining your calling, or probably more accurately, series of callings, is a sacred act that requires patience, wisdom, and trial and error.” Once you determine this, things start to fall into line, and you notice opportunities you never would have before.

“Keep in mind always the present you are constructing. It should be the future you want.” Alice Walker

So how do we come to this self-awareness? Instead of just doing, think about your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Why are you thinking, feeling, and doing these things? I find that writing things down in the moment and then reflecting on them later helps. Start jotting down ideas of what you want your future to look like in five, ten, or twenty years. Also include what you do not want your future to look like!

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

This week, as we continue the path to self-awareness, we will look at forgiveness and letting go, setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, embracing our flaws and imperfections, body image and physical self-acceptance, cultural and identity acceptance, and overcoming self-doubt and negative self-talk.

Activity: Determining Your Strengths and Weaknesses

In the coming week, jot down your activities under the following categories. The first five listed will be your strengths. The last five are your weaknesses.

You genuinely enjoy doing:

Make you feel energized:

Make you forget the time:

You look forward to:

You can do well even under conditions of stress or fatigue:

You do not like doing:

Make you feel depleted:

Seem to pass very slowly:

You don’t look forward to:

Require a lot of effort and self-control to do well:

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.