March 2 – Prioritizing Self-Care: A Guide to Nurturing Yourself with Self-Awareness

“Anyone who is interested in making change in the world has to learn to take care of herself, himself, themself.” Angela Davis

In her book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Book to Self-Care, Suzanne Falter outlines the five basic elements that it takes to live a life that’s rich in self-care:

1.  Understand your needs.

2.  Set boundaries.

3.  Ask for help as needed.

4.  Take action.

5.  Build self-care into your day.

First, it is important to understand what you need. Every person is different in what their strengths and limits are. You do not want to copy someone else’s self-care routine, but design one custom tailored to help you avoid burnout. To figure out what you need exactly, you first must recognize that you have needs and rights. This was hard for me growing up with role models that sacrificed their own needs for their spouses and children. As you age, you start to realize that if you don’t take a stand for yourself, no one else will.

“In embracing the silence, I’ve definitely become more familiar with my inner world. I’m better at knowing what I feel and what I want.” Anne Otto

In her book, The Sugar Jar, Yasmine Cheyenne explains, “Choosing what you want for yourself, and your life based on your beliefs and feelings is one of the greatest acts of self-love there is.” She explains that when you choose to take care of yourself, you have to prioritize your needs over what others need from you. This will bring joy to your life and less resentment. We need to ask ourselves with every choice we make, “What is your intention?” We need to find out the purpose behind the things we are committing to do and make sure they match up with our needs, plans, and goals. If you are making decisions that are not aligned with your true needs, you will feel empty and unfulfilled.

Lisa Olivera asserts in Already Enough, “Discernment and boundaries both create space to understand your wants, needs, and desires and to make decisions to honor those wants needs, and desires.” When you cultivate compassion for yourself, it makes it so that you can give yourself permission to practice self-care. Sometimes, to do this, we need to overcome common patterns and change the way we talk to ourselves. This starts with setting boundaries.

“Every human is looking to be seen, soothed, and safe.” Curt Thompson

Setting boundaries is about recognizing you have a choice and communicating it to the people in your life. This may surprise or dismay those people at first, trust me, they’ll come around. If they don’t then they are not healthy people to have in your lives.

Boundaries encompass both expectations and needs crucial for fostering a sense of safety and ease within your relationships. They serve as a support system for your mental and emotional well-being within these connections. Mastering the balance of asserting boundaries, knowing when to decline and when to accept, is fundamental to feeling at ease in social interactions.

“Remember that self-love is also revolutionary and world- changing.” Amanda Gorman

I see boundaries as the guidelines or frameworks we establish to regulate our interactions with individuals, environments, belongings, and responsibilities in our lives. They hold significance as they empower us to manage our lifestyle, interactions with others, and the nature of their interaction with us. Through setting boundaries, we safeguard our physical and mental well-being by clearly expressing how our resources such as time, focus, finances, and various facets of ourselves are to be utilized. Boundaries serve as our means of communicating, both through dialogue and actions, what aligns with our comfort levels.

An example of this is that I keep the sound on my phone turned down. I can’t stand that I am constantly being distracted and losing focus by all the sounds it makes. I check for important messages or calls periodically, anything else can wait and let me have peace!

Boundaries are a way to safeguard from overextending yourself, as well. They are a self-care practice that define roles in relationships, communicate acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, communicate your needs, create healthy relationships, create clarity, and to feel safe.

“For two people to be happy together, they have to feel that their needs are being met. But there’s not a soul on earth who can meet your needs if you don’t even know what they are. You’ve got to do some self-exploration so that you know firmly who you are, what you value, and what will fulfill you.” Phil McGraw

To communicate your boundaries, be clear, don’t ask for permission, and try not to overexplain. It’s even okay to use texts or email if you find it difficult in conversation.

In her book, Real Self-Care, Pooja Lakshmin gives some helpful scripts you can use. I love these! Here are some of them:

“I wish I could swing it, but I’m swamped. Can we check in next month?”

“I appreciate you thinking of me for this, but I’m prioritizing ____ at the moment. I’d be happy to consider this next year.”

“My schedule has changed. Can we please reschedule this for ___?”

“I’ll need your help with ___. Can you please be home by ___ tonight?”

“No, I’m not free to talk right now.”

“I notice that ___ isn’t working. Can we set aside some time to discuss it?”

“Other countries have social safety nets. The United States has women.” Jessica Calarco

Opting to prioritize your own needs might upset others. Our societal norms don't fully embrace the concept of individuals making choices freely. Those who prioritize themselves often face labels like "selfish" and other negative judgments, deterring many from doing so due to fear of being perceived as self-absorbed by those around them. I have found this response when I deal with my ex-husband. He demands my time and attention immediately and on his terms. When he does not get it, he blames me for any problem and calls me names. Since I no longer care what he thinks, this infuriates him even more.

When you dedicate yourself to nurturing a caring and encouraging bond with yourself, you'll deepen your self-awareness and develop trust in your strengths, skills, and capabilities. This self-assurance in your abilities is crucial for resilience. I once received advice during a low moment: "If you don't have faith in yourself, no one else will." This advice stayed with me and empowered me to conquer my fears.

“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do.” Ella Fitzgerald

Authentic self-care remains a commitment. However, it's not merely an addition to your agenda; it's a shift in perspective regarding your role in the world, within your family, and in your relationships. Approaching self-care in this manner signifies living out a subtle revolution and contributing to reshaping the existing system.

Fundamentally, self-care involves managing essential tasks like eating, dressing, hygiene, and generally being capable of functioning in daily life. Everyone engages in self-care, whether consciously aware of it or not. We need to learn to look after ourselves as we would a child or a dear friend. The first thing we must do is to pay attention. We need to listen to our bodies. If you feel tired, take a nap, or go to bed early. If you are getting hangry, have a snack or healthy meal. If listening to the daily news makes your skin crawl, turn it off.

Consider your self-care akin to a savings account. Just as we aim to set aside a small portion each month for unforeseen situations, consistently practicing small acts of self-care accumulates over time. To maintain a healthy balance in this self-care reserve, reflect on what brings you joy and relaxation, creating a personalized list of activities that leave you feeling rejuvenated, content, and at your best. Ensure self-care takes precedence by inscribing it firmly in your planner with a pen. Incorporate new, nurturing routines into your schedule.

Activities for Self-Care

1.  A good night’s sleep.

2.  Peaceful love

3.  Friends and family, you can count on

4.  Real vacations

5.  Diet, exercise, and lots of water

6.  Fun

7.  A place to go to heal and rest.

8.  Giving your brain a rest

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience, guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.